Xander found himself pacing in the crypt, back and forth as he worriedly chewed on his fingernails. Spike was late, should have been back hours ago and he knew, knew the vampire wouldn’t leave him. He’d promised.
In the past three months Xander had finally started feeling like a person again; Spike had remade him. Before he just drifted, never there, never apart of anything and always alone. There had been days when he’d wished he wasn’t such a coward like Buffy said he was.
If he would have been braver he would have put an end to his misery the easy way.
But now he had Spike and Spike was all that had mattered. Spike who fed him and kept him clothed and Spike who helped the Scoobies to do that, even though he hated them. Spike made him feel loved like he’d never been in his life, not even Willow or Jesse filled the hole in his heart quite so well.
So he knew, he knew Spike wouldn’t abandon him. The vampire knew what that would do to his fragile heart. Spike loved him he wouldn’t do that. Xander looked at the clock and it was only an hour and a half till sunrise.
Something had happened. Hopefully Spike wasn’t dust, then he’d never know for sure what had happened. The best he could do, Xander decided, was to go out and look for him. Despite the fact the vampire had made him promise not to go outside at night without him. The only reason he hadn’t gone with his lover earlier was the fact that it was beginning to be fall and he’d caught a cold living in the damp crypt. Spike had gone out for juice and stuff for him. And now he was gone.
Xander grabbed up the coat Spike had bought for him and some weapons and headed out the door. It always amazed him how after just a few hours of him wearing a shirt of something that it would go invisible too, like he gave off invisibility vibes that infected his possessions. He was just glad they hadn’t affected Spike, which was odd considering how much time he spent being on, in or around the vampire.
An hour later and he was really panicking. He’d retraced Spike’s usual path from the store to the crypt, checked the graveyard and the next one over, even snuck in to Buffy’s house thanks to the loose window in the attic to see if the Slayer was celebrating the downfall of his lover. He knew those two hated each other with a passion. Still he had found nothing and was back at the store.
What really sucked is that he couldn’t go in and ask if anyone had seen Spike, because nobody fucking well heard him even! No one but Spike. Finally he just decided to check all the alleys between here and home. Hopefully he’d find something.
Find something he did. A bloody pile of leather and bones sticking out at odd angles.
“Oh god! Spike!” He was alive. Well as alive as he ever got, but in very bad shape. Unconscious and it was almost dawn. There wasn’t enough time for Xander to carry him all the way home.
Shit. He’d have to think of something else. He ran back to the parking lot of the supermarket and thanked whatever god looked after invisible men and their vampire lovers when the third car he tried not only opened but also had keys.
False dawn was turning the sky pink by them time he picked Spike up and laid him carefully in the back of the car, covering the vampire with his coat and a blanket he found in the trunk. He just wished the trunk had been bigger so he could have put Spike in the safety of the darkness but the back seat would have to do.
He got Spike home as quickly as possible, trying not to jostle broken bones or hurt him any worse than he already was. He laid him on the bed, working quickly with strip his lover and straighten the bones in his arms and legs. He only hoped the ribs would fall back in place he didn’t know how to fix that.
Once he had done all he could Spike did look a bit better. He’d cleaned all the blood off and he looked more or less like his arms only bent one way now. The only thing left for Xander to do was get blood. He ran back out to where he had stashed the car he had stolen and hoped he had enough time.
Two days of feeding Spike by hand, using his own mouth to transfer blood while he massaged his neck to force him to swallow at first, till finally the vampire would suck through a straw even though he wasn’t really awake.
Buffy had come by and threatened to beat the already unconscious vampire up for not helping like he promised Angel, until she had climbed down the ladder to look for him. She had seen how pale he was, how unresponsive and didn’t even try to help. Xander had the illogical urge to trip her as she was going out.
Finally his vampire showed signs of being better. He was less pale as if the blood did more than just work on healing him for once.
“Spike? Spike please wake up. I need you; I can’t do this without you. Spike?”
The vampire moaned but didn’t wake up. Still he didn’t look quite as…well quite as dead. And that was an improvement at least.
Spike opened his eyes; somewhat surprised he had eyes to open. He remembered the alley very well. Well enough to worry that he was going to wake up in yet another cage courtesy of the U. S. Government.
So he was very surprised to see the inside of his crypt, and hear a familiar heartbeat nearby.
“Spike! You’re awake! Here let me help you sit up.”
He found himself lifted and propped up against the pillows on the bed. A cup of warm blood made its way over and he sipped it gratefully.
“Xander? This…this is human.”
“Well duh. You were pretty bad off Spike, you’ve been out for four days now and I know pigs blood not only tastes like crap but doesn’t help with the healing too much. I kinda…stole a blood drive truck. It’s okay, I got rid of the truck but it had like 100 pints from getting blood from the bums on the other end of town. Guess they sold it to get Krispy Kremes or something. I know that it’s not all clean probably but hey lets just consider the heroin and other stuff to be flavor enhancers and I’m babbling so I’ll shut up now.”
Spike laughed and put an arm out till he found his boy’s face, running his finger over his lips before pulling his hand back. “Never stop babbling on my account Pet, I think it’s cute.”
He heard Xander snort and felt the bed dip as he sat down on the edge. Invisible fingers found themselves on his knee and he could feel the heat of his boy, could smell the worry and the love. “Glad you came looking for me Love, I was afraid you’d thought I’d left you.”
“No. I knew you wouldn’t.” Xander’s voice is quiet though, which meant he at least thought about it.
“I’ll never leave you Xander, if something would have happened my dust would follow you around. Love you Pet.”
He felt Xander’s heat before he felt his wonderful mouth. Lips opening and tongue coming out to meet his own. They kissed for a while, and Spike thought it was a damn fucking shame he was too injured to do more.
In the end he laid back down, pulling Xander with him and encircling him in his arms, holding him close and delighting in his scent. It had changed, less salt and more like Spike’s own scent of leather and musk. Combined with the boy’s natural scent of chocolate and happiness it was a heady mixture that never failed to warm his dead heart.
“I kinda…sorta stole something else.”
Spike laughed. Only Xander would worry that Spike would be disappointed in him for stealing. “What did you nip off with this time? Get the Watcher’s wallet finally? We could order you pizza for dinner.”
“No I stole a spell and all the ingredients to do it from Willow and Tara. It’s a spell to deactivate your chip.”
“Bloody fucking hell Xander! Are you sure?”
“Yeah. After day three of you laying here like an anatomically correct Ken doll I got to thinking and I know a demon couldn’t have hurt you that bad, that it had to be humans and I got scared. I can’t survive like this without you, can’t go back to being alone. I eavesdropped and heard about it, Willow has had it for a while but was afraid you’d kill them all so she didn’t use it. I’ve been looking at it and I think if you help me learn how to say the words right I could…do it. Turn it off and make you safe.”
“You sure you wanna do it? You know more than anyone what I am Xander.”
“Yeah I wanna do it, it’s not right. Just… I know you’ve promised you would but please don’t kill them. I know they’ve hurt you and me but…I would feel guilty if you did. I know you’re going to kill and I’ll try to deal with it, maybe help you find wife beaters or child molesters in the paper and you could eat them. But if you hurt the gang I’ll feel like it was my fault, you know?”
God. It was times like these when Spike wished more than anything to be able to look in Xander’s eyes and see what he was feeling. Instead he took a deep breath, scenting the boy as well as he could.
He sensed nervousness, but not fright. Worry and love. Spike could feel the heartbeat pounding in the boy’s chest waiting for his answer. But could he do it, walk away from hurting the slayer just because his boy asked?
“You mind leaving Sunnyhell after it’s done?”
“Gods no! I really don’t want to be here for another Halloween, knowing my luck I’d get my dick shrunk off or something, and it’s not been exactly a lucky time for you either. So you’ll…kinda not paint Giles’s house in their blood?”
“No Xan, I won’t. For you. But I do want to let them know I’ll be leaving, that way Peaches won’t spend time tracking me down. We’ll figure it out Xander. Maybe we’ll go to Chicago, all that good food to get you a bit fatter and plenty of bad guys for me. What do you think?”
“You’d do that for me?”
“Of course Xan. Told you git I love you. I know you’re a good guy, which means I’m off my fucking rocker for taking up with you evil vampire that I am, but I don’t want you feeling guilty that you helped me Pet. We’ll work it out you’ll see.”
Spike could feel the boy lean curl even further into his embrace as they lay together talking the rest of the night. Planning a future with no chip and away from the Hellmouth. Spike wasn’t even going to chance staying on the West Coast, he’d take his boy far away from Sunnydale and the Slayer and they’d have a life together. Might not be a normal life, but it would be theirs.
It took three weeks. Three weeks for Spike to recover and teach Xander the Latin he’d need to know. To wait for the dark of the moon and for Xander to use his energy to charge the loadstone that was the key component to the spell. Every time he did it he put every bit of his energy into the small stone, till he was weak and Spike would hear his breathing even out in sleep and pick him up where he’d been meditating and carry him to bed.
Finally it was time. Xander had cast the circle with hands that shook ever so slightly, not enough to disturb the herbs he was using but enough that he worried. Then again he worried as he called the four quarters, and he worried as he invoked Athena and Mercury, the closest gods they could find with dominion over computers and technology.
And if his voice shook as he spoke words in the ancient language, asking for the gods help to disable the chip there was no one to tell. Because all the energy he’d put into the loadstone discharged at once during the spell and Spike arched, screaming from the pain before falling unconscious.
This time it only took a day for Spike to heal. It was as if the magick that deactivated Spike’s chip helped him to heal as well. And while Spike was hunting for his own meal for the first time in almost a year Xander was packing the last of the stuff they wanted to keep and shoving it into the DeSoto.
And if Spike looked healthier than Xander could remember and was a bit warmer to the touch when he kissed him when returning home he wasn’t going to ask. He trusted Spike to keep his word.
They made only one stop on the way out of Sunnydale and Xander knew Spike had planned it without telling him. In the end though he gave in and told Joyce and Dawn what had happened. Little Dawnie had cried into her cocoa while Xander tried to sooth his surrogate little sister about his invisibility and his leaving while Joyce promised Spike to not say anything to Buffy in return for his promise to keep in touch through letters and phone calls. Before they left both men helped tuck the little girl about to turn into a woman into bed and Xander found his only regret about leaving Sunnydale would be never seeing her grow up.
Finally they were leaving, and Spike goes out the same way he came into Sunnydale, running over the sign with his punk rock blaring in the speakers and Xander finds himself laughing hard enough Spike could hear him over the Sex Pistols and the vampire was grinning back at him.
For the first time Xander felt the weight of the Hellmouth lifting off of his shoulders. He’d tried to escape once before, but had ended up down the road; in Oxnard doing work with was demeaning and embarrassing. He’d ended up coming back home, back to Sunnydale hoping to lick his wounds but that wasn’t how it worked out.
This time he was leaving in style. Okay maybe not high style, but living with Spike was certainly a statement. The vampire drove like he did everything else, speeding, nearly running other cars off the road, singing along with the music and obviously having the time of his unlife. Just being with him made Xander grin and gave him a warm feeling in his heart.
With Spike driving, the four to five hour trip from Sunnydale to San Francisco is mostly over in three and it was starting to get light. They stop in San Jose for the day, Spike filling out the papers with false names while Xander moved around the lobby of the cheap, trashy motel making the night clerk jump. Xander may have hated being invisible but sometimes it sure was fun.
He waits till they reach their room before bursting out in laughter and Spike picked him up and threw him on the bed. It always amazed Xander how Spike could almost always find him; it was as if the vampire had a sixth sense for where he was at all times. Despite not being able to see him Spike always read him right, and could even find the hidden tickle spot on his side that even Willow had never found.
“God I love you Spike, so very much.”
He is rewarded with one of Spike’s smiles, not a smirk or anything like that but a rare and precious smile that lights up the vampire’s face as if he were in sunlight and it makes Xander’s heart melt even further. He can’t remember being this happy or content in his life, ever.
Spike’s fingers find his face and Xander knows Spike sees him. Cool fingertips trace the lines of his face and when a thumb runs over his lips in a now familiar gesture Xander opens his mouth, pulling the thumb into his mouth and sucking on it.
“God Xander…” He smiled around the thumb in his mouth and ran the tip of his tongue over the tip, nipping at the digit till he sees the gold enter his lover’s eyes. He loved getting Spike out of control, teasing the vampire. It made him feel so special, that he had such a fierce creature to love him both in and out of the bed.
Spike pulls the thumb out of his mouth and Xander made a pouting noise and watched as Spike’s eyes dilated even further in desire. Fingers made their way down his jaw line to his neck and he knows that the vampire above him is feeling the blood running through his veins, pulsing. Instead of making him afraid it made him feel wanted, hardening his cock even further till it was pressing against the zipper of the pants he was wearing painfully.
Spike straddled him, moving down so that his legs were pinned and he couldn’t even move his hips to gain relief. He leaned forward, putting his face in the crook of his neck and took a deep breath before flickering out a tongue to lick at the base of his throat.
Xander felt himself get even more excited, he felt like his body was on fire and he groaned, tried to wiggle to touch Spike more than he was already. “God Spike, want you. Naked now please?”
Spike laughed and they started to strip, taking time to tease each other with brief touches and caresses. Finally they are naked and Xander opens his legs wide so Spike can lay in between them, gasping as their cocks rub against each other. Xander spared a thought for the poor mirror above the bed, reflecting nothing but the movements of the covers before his breath is taken away as Spike pinches a nipple, bringing his attention back to the vampire.
“God Pet, love you so much it’s not even funny.”
“Tell me, please?”
Once again his neck is the center of the vampires attention and he bared his throat even more, arching into the touch of a cool tongue that was making little cat-like licks.
“Wanna mark you as mine Xander, mark you as Consort. Make you mine forever, make it so everyone knows your mine even if they can’t see you. Keep you with me always. Love you always. Xander you have no idea…”
“Really? You can do that? Spike you’re not joking are you? It would make me live as long as you?” Xander feels the breath catch in his throat the question. The thought that anyone, that Spike wanted him that much was…amazing to him. For once he had no words.
“God Xander I’d do it in one of your heartbeats if I though you’d let me.”
“Do it Spike. Do it, now do it.”
This time it’s Spike that looses his breath. “Xan love, you don’t know what you’re saying yes to.”
“Don’t know anything but I want to be yours, belong to you. It feels right Spike, do it.”
Spike moves faster than he can comprehend while having a boner the size of Texas and Xander found himself with his legs over Spike’s shoulder and a slicked finger in his ass before he can even think. He thrust back on the finger, enjoying the feeling of being stroked from the inside and knowing that it would be replaced with something bigger and thicker that would make him feel so very good.
Two fingers now, and he was begging for Spike to just fuck him. Without the chip the vampire didn’t have to worry so much and Xander wanted to feel this for days, wanted to be sitting in the car leaving the state and wriggling because he was sore in such a very good way.
Suddenly he felt a sting and looked down. Spike was in gameface and had bit at the inside of his leg. The demon between his legs lapped up the blood flowing from the puncture marks with his eyes closed and added another finger to the two already stretching him and Xander had to grab for his cock to keep from coming too soon.
“Let go Pet. We both know you’ll be up to it again in no time.”
“No. Wanna…wanna come with you; wanna come with your fangs in my neck and your cock buried deep in my ass.”
Xander gasped as evidently that was the magic words and spike pulled his fingers out and pushed his thickness deep inside in one thrust.
“God you’re so fucking tight Xander. I could live in your ass and you’d still be tight.”
Xander gave a gasping little laugh. “Hey you think we could try it?”
“Hmm, we get to Chicago and get set up, get some food in wherever we end up and I’m not letting you out of bed for a week. Gonna fuck you so many ways you’ll forget your name.”
“I’ll answer to Mine then I guess. That’s what I want to be…yours.”
Spike pushed in even harder at that and Xander can’t talk anymore, can hardly breath. All that he is, is centered on the hard cock taking him, marking him as Spike’s over and over.
“You’re right Pet, you’re Mine. Mine.”
The last is said with a growl as Spike speeds up even more. The cheap bed is hitting the wall over and over with a rhythmic thump and Xander is thankful that these are the kinds of noises people expect in this type of a place; otherwise he’d be embarrassed.
Finally, when Xander thinks he had to either come or die, Spike pulls his hand away from where he was clutching his dick, entwining their fingers together and Xander knows it’s time.
He turned his head and felt one more lick before fangs pierced his skin. The pain fading quickly in the face of the heat and desire he felt at this most intimate act. Spike had never tasted his blood before tonight even though Xander had offered. Said it wasn’t right to take with a knife when it could be with teeth and tongue and now, now Xander knows why. A knife would never feel the same and Xander screamed in ecstasy, arching his back and his hard cock spurting its fluids in between them as he came.
Spike was still thrusting but he pulled his fangs out, licking his lips of blood before leaning in to kiss Xander. He could taste his own blood in his lover’s mouth, could feel the fangs nipping his tongue and lips causing small cuts that were licked closed just as fast as they opened.
He found himself getting hard again at the taste, at the evidence that this was a vampire in his bed, owning his body and soul.
Finally Spike pulled back from the kissing and strong fingers pressed deep into his hips, marking him even more as Spike came, his bowls filled with Spike’s semen till he is overflowing and Xander came again at the feel of it dripping down his thighs.
His eyes close in sleep and the last thing he heard was Spike purring and saying his name in wonder, calling him Mine.
Xander felt himself waking up and burrowed deeper under the thin spread. He could feel Spike lying next to him and wondered if the vampire had even slept or if he’d just stared at the place on the pillow that was indented where his head lay.
He couldn’t remember being this sore, not even when he’d worked out to join the swim team. Everything ached, but in a good way and he could feel his mark on his neck like a brand. He searched his mind to see if he felt any different either and there is was, a sense of Spike and of wonder and absolute happiness that made him smile.
“Xander…wake up. Know you’re awake Mine, quit faking.”
“Nope, not awake. Someone fucked me through the bed and I’m still sleeping.” He kept his eyes closed but couldn’t help the smile that seemed to have become a permanent part of his face. Lips pressed to his forehead in a kiss and he snuggled to the cool body behind him even closer.
“You are so fucking cute when you’re all well-fucked and cuddly. Think I like that smile on your face, telling everyone what you’ve been up to. Gonna have to fuck you every day till you look like this all the time.”
Xander smiled and shook his head. “For all you know Spike I’ve got my eyes crossed and I’ve got drool on my chin. I probably have bed head too.”
“Nope. You look beautiful Pet. Really, really beautiful. The most gorgeous thing I’ve seen in over a hundred years.”
Spike words find their way through a sex and sleep induced fog in Xander’s brain and he almost stopped breathing. Didn’t open his eyes to see the cheesy mirror above the bed.
Two kissed, pressed against each of his eyelids.
“Open those pretty eyes of yours Pet. See what you look like with my mark on you.” The sheet and covers are thrown off of him and he was manhandled till Spike had him flat on his back in the center of the bed.
He opened his eyes and saw the cheap purple carpet, covering the floor. The nightstand with the itty-bitty lamp and the remote to the television stuck onto it. Saw the covers at the foot of the bed I the pile. Saw the place in the bed that was Spike, lying there beside him.
Saw himself, for the first time in almost a year. The love bite where Spike first nipped him on his inner thigh, the finger shaped bruises, the mark that had already scared on his neck. The look of wonder in his own eyes that he’d almost forgotten what color they were.
“Oh god Spike! That’s…that’s me! In the mirror. I’m there!”
Strong arms gather him up as he starts to cry; this time in happiness and he felt like he could fly he was so overjoyed. And over and over an accented voice is saying, “I see you Xander. I see you.” And he knows Spike is as emotional as he is.
Finally Xander pulls away and peppers Spike’s face with kisses all over. “It’s you Spike, it’s all you. You made me real. Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
“Gonna take you out tonight Pet, let everyone see you. We’ll stop in San Francisco and I’m gonna buy silk and leather and dress you up like you deserve. We’ll take a picture and send it to the Niblet and her Mum. Then I’m gonna take pictures for myself, sexy pictures. And everyone, everyone who sees us together will be jealous because I have you and you’re handsome, and gorgeous and beautiful and sexy.”
Xander laughed because it’s Spike who babbling this time, and because he knows that the vampire is going to do what everything he says and Xander knows he is going to be dragged through half the leather shops in the city in the next week. Laughed because he was in love and happy, and the person he loves, loves him back and it’s wonderful and amazing.
And he knows it’s because of Spike that he can be seen now, that it’s Spike’s love and caring that has made him real and that there is nothing he can do to pay his lover back for this gift.
But they will have forever for Xander to try.
~ Fini ~